SOME JOKES

Well these are just some jokes from a newspaper.real good ones so just thought of sharing them-
ANNIVERSARY
A woman gets up in the night to find that her husband was not in the bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him .He appeared deep in thought ,just staring at the wall.She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?"she whispers as she steps into the room."Why are you down here at this time of night ?"
The husband looks up,"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating,and you were only 17?"he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive."Yes,i do"she replies.
The husband pauses .The words are not coming easily."Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes,i remember",says the wife,lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues"Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said ,"Either you marry my daughter,or i will send you to jail for 20 years ".
"I remember that too",she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says "I would have gotten out today!"





LAW TALK
A guy phones a law firm and says ,"I want to talk to my lawyer."The receptionist says ,"I'm sorry but your lawyer died last week."The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says ,"I want to speak to my lawyer."Once again the receptionist replies,"I'm sorry,but your lawyer died last week."
The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and says"I want to speak to my lawyer"."Excuse me sir",the receptionist says ,"but this is the third time i've had to tell you that your lawyer died last week .Why do you keep calling?"The guy replies,"Because i love hearing it!"

ITS A DOCS LIFE

The stars shine down upon these angels on earth,
God created them to counter humanity's dearth,
But are they not humans too,
Then why are they expected to act unlike the other mortals do..
Some doctors will say that the c in the title should be changed to g.I have been a medical student for two years now.I have seen such gore that the most gross scene in any movie pales in front of it.Those chopped off limbs and all cant even capture a fraction of the real gore. Please dont read after taking your lunch. One example is -Some of my batchmates saw a doctor sawing off a diabetic patients dead foot with the patient calmly watching on .No anaesthesia .None needed.For the foot was dead .There is a ward with many diabetic patients; being from extremely poor backgrounds they didnt come for management earlier so now have lost one to all of their limbs.There are the cancer patients and unlike what laymen think its not so rare.They look like people eaten up by an insiduous parasite.Then comes the children.You see angels wracked with the most hideous ailments ever.You begin to wonder whether god really exists .For if he does how can he let those poor innocents suffer.Ulcers.For laymen a apparently common harmless occurrence.Reality -as if an invisible hand has taken a scoop out of the very bodies of the patients .We saw a patient with an ulcer having eaten away the muscles and skin of his forearm baring bones.His screams were heart rending with the pain killers too until sedatives kicked in.BURN S patients.We see them in various degrees of decomposition.In severe burns if we see their beds empty the next day we know better than to ask .Death simply seems to prowl the corridors.Once at night time on a stormy day one of my friends got hurt.We took him to the emergency services.We saw a patient struck by lightning .Burnt and convulsing.Talking about emergency services during my visits there i have seen patients so knocked up that their bones showed through in several places.Lying in the puddle of their own vital fluids their glazed eyes bore into ones soul.
We see oozing masses protruding from patients private regions.We do some examinations in which blood spurts out at a single touch.We see operations where humans are forced to act like sophisticated butchers to cure fellow humans and prolong their life spans.The blood,the sounds of the suction equipment,some weird looking procedures(like a doc hammering away with a chisel on a patients jaw ) ;all sorts of things.Some students nearly faint in the op theatres.Then comes the practise part.In the third year we start practising some minor things on patients moving on from dummy exercises to the real thing.Then there is the dread of labour room postings.Unlike the ever smiling docs from the movies we consider it to be the most challenging and tough assignment of our entire course.You know the joy of holding someone s bundle of joy pales in comparison to 18 hour workday.Standing on your own two feet for 18 hours a day for two consecutive weeks (no weekend breaks)is not an attractive prospect.The risk of AIDS and HIV hanging like the sword of damacles over your head.Why?Because despite every protection one mistake and you can get a lethal disease while helping others bring someone to life.There s irony for you.
If by now you think that i am a queasy and lazy bum who hates this profession for these reasons alone i wont blame you.But hold your horses a bit.Here comes the part i really hate.Something changes deep inside you.You tend to become an automaton to keep your sanity intact.Emotions tend to receed.You become less spontaneous.More mechanised.Some say it gets you respect and gratitude from your patients and the public in general.But the respect is equivalent in duration to the treatment and if the therapy despite the doctor s best efforts does not somehow succeed ,then look out for those brickbats.I am no demi god like those smiling docs who retain their humanity and take the brickbats and the gratitude in their stride .Who keep on striving to bring back vigour to many more lives.To extend the lifespans of their fellow beings.I salute all doctors-my heroes and truly great mortals.Acknowledge them if you will....

CLOSE

WHEN THE WIND RUSTLES THROUGH HER HAIR,
THERE SEEMS TO BE A GLORIOUS SCENT IN THE AIR,
MY WORLD COMES TO A HALT WHEN SHE COMES CLOSE ,
THE BACKGROUND BECOMES HAZY AND THE WORLD SEEMS AS DELICATE AS A ROSE,
THERE IS GREAT BEAUTY IN THIS WORLD I REALISE IN THAT MOMENT,
THAT MOMENT WHICH GIVES ME OH SO SWEET A TORMENT,
THE TORMENT OF LONGING FOR THAT MOMENT TO GO ON FOREVER,
KNOWING FULLY HOW VAIN THIS HOPE IS AS THIS CAN BE THE TRUTH NEVER,
THAT MOMENT WHICH SEEMS LIKE A SECOND YET A THOUSAND YEARS ,
THAT MOMENT WHICH BRINGS ME GREAT JOY YET MANY TEARS,
THE TEARS THAT ARE PRICELESS FOR ME,
THE TEARS THAT BRING ME DIVINE ECSTACY.....
( CLARIFICATION-I am teased by some friends of mine that i must be writing this romantic stuff for some one .But the truth is(and i am not holding any fingers intertwined behind my back)these lines just come anywhere from a bus to a lecture hall and i make them into short sweet poems(well i hope that short sweet part sounded sweet) )

THE LOST SMILE

THE SMILE THAT WIPED AWAY MANY A TEAR OF MINE ,
THE SMILE THAT USED TO LIFT ME FROM MISERY TO ECSTACY DIVINE,
THE SMILE WHOSE WARMTH MADE ME FEEL AS IF THE SUN WEREN'T FURTHER THAN A MILE,
THE SMILE THAT MADE IT WORTH LIVING IN THIS WORLD OF GUILE,
THE SMILE AS BEAUTIFUL AS THE DEW ON A GARDEN ROSE ,
THE SMILE THAT UPLIFTED ME AND MADE OUR SOULS CLOSE,
THE SMILE THAT MADE MERE SECONDS MORE PRECIOUS THAN MANY HOURS,
THE SMILE THAT MADE ME FEEL AS IF THE WORLD WAS OURS,
THE SMILE THAT HAD THE INNOCENCE AND THE BEAUTY OF A CHILD,
THE SMILE THAT MADE ME FEEL AS FREE AS THE ANIMALS WILD,
THAT SMILE I MISS MORE THAN I CAN EXPLAIN IN MERE WORDS,
ESPECIALLY NOW THAT I FEEL SO LONELY THAT IT HURTS......
ASEEM MAHAJAN